omg i absolutely love this what are the chances we both use the word EJECTA??? ok. so.
my interpretation.
a love triangle! three-body problem. the speaker is the conduit. "i do not have her light" speaker is the moon since she orbits but does not emit light? "her" is sun? i am not sure what the triangle shape is, but it's cool. final stanza they all align.
Marissa my heart! you’ve got it the closest so far to my original inspiration & intent. (The triangle thingy is a mountain, representing earth: “He enters burning, tidal, green, corrosive”) thank u for reading!!
I didn't actually process the astronomical imagery until I read Kerr's comment mentioning it, and now I've read two different poems! Awesome stuff, I'm glad I came by.
So many levels of meaning in the title and form alone, not to mention the correspondence of how the text aligns with each ”body”. The helix shape and the title Syzygy brings to mind the chromosomal pairing in meiosis, which perhaps alludes to the sexual element in our speaker’s relation to Him and the their comparison to Her. Funny enough, meiosis, as a figure of speech, also means to understate or diminish the gravity of something. This is maybe one of the most harmonious and layered poems I’ve read on here!
It might be the way the poem is written, but to me it has an almost metaphysical quality. You can feel distance in it, a kind of shifting at the level of atoms.
It made me think of how reality itself is mostly empty space, with only small fragments of matter scattered throughout. And yet, from those fragments, we construct entire narratives, meanings, lives, even whole universes. Most of it is absence, and still, something emerges. That’s what I felt here.
I really like how you’re approaching the medium, and I’d encourage you to lean into that. If Substack’s formatting doesn’t serve what you’re trying to do, don’t force it. Use whatever visual tools or editors you’re working with and treat these as visual poems. You clearly have a feel for it.
It would be a waste to confine this to a format that limits you. As I see it, you already have the potential to do something genuinely innovative on a grander scale that could earn you a place of one the greatest experimental poets out there, something that could obviously go beyond Substack as a medium.
Stefan, this is such a generous reading of the poem, thank you. I love the way you described the “distance at the level of atoms”. that’s honestly very close to the feeling I was trying to circle around, even if I didn’t consciously articulate it that way.
I really appreciate the encouragement about the format. I’ve been wondering how far I can push the visual side of it without breaking the platform completely. We shall see.
Yes! It’s really cool that I just stumbled across after publishing my first poem here a few days ago (space themed as well) - serious ‘resonations’ as you said 😆 I experimented with form, too - nowhere near as daring as you - and I found Substack super stressful to work with! Looks like you opted to do it in another program, take a screenshot and put it here? I definitely need to try that next time.
I agree with what Kerr was saying about it sort of tricking you, lulling you into thinking it’s gonna be a passionate celestial love story, but then you start to see the brokenness (or maybe the sort of fated ‘fixedness’?) of the relationship/s on display here. Also loved the little images of the celestial objects moving around each other - the visual aspects help tell the story really powerfully!
This is really cool and extremely unique. Plus the emotions and nuance ah! Spectacular work!
thank you so much Andrea !!(:
omg i absolutely love this what are the chances we both use the word EJECTA??? ok. so.
my interpretation.
a love triangle! three-body problem. the speaker is the conduit. "i do not have her light" speaker is the moon since she orbits but does not emit light? "her" is sun? i am not sure what the triangle shape is, but it's cool. final stanza they all align.
Marissa my heart! you’ve got it the closest so far to my original inspiration & intent. (The triangle thingy is a mountain, representing earth: “He enters burning, tidal, green, corrosive”) thank u for reading!!
ooooo earthy man i like it
I LOVE your style!!!
ar you kidding!! Coming from you this means everything!! your creativity is next level ! thank you so much.
That is so kind! Thank you, and thanks for painting a beautiful vision of passion within the universe as you see it.
I didn't actually process the astronomical imagery until I read Kerr's comment mentioning it, and now I've read two different poems! Awesome stuff, I'm glad I came by.
I’m definitely having a resonation!
happy to hear it ! thank you for reading Orna <3
This is one of the coolest things Mustard has seen. Absolutely incredible.
Mustard you are so kind. YOU are the coolest !!
Luv luv luv
so glad u enjoyed Earl!! now time to read ur poem of the mornin.
Served fresh daily
excellent work here
genuinely appreciate this so much, thank you
Well-fucking done!! 👏
The ending wasn't just a homerun, It was a grand slam
the ending is my favorite part. thank you so much for reading!!
Wow
So many levels of meaning in the title and form alone, not to mention the correspondence of how the text aligns with each ”body”. The helix shape and the title Syzygy brings to mind the chromosomal pairing in meiosis, which perhaps alludes to the sexual element in our speaker’s relation to Him and the their comparison to Her. Funny enough, meiosis, as a figure of speech, also means to understate or diminish the gravity of something. This is maybe one of the most harmonious and layered poems I’ve read on here!
Ellis, I’m so grateful for your insight. you are spot on. Coming from someone as talented as you this means so much! thank you friend
Really fascinating use of formatting to portray the orbiting people and planets. Super creative and unique
This comment is almost as good as the poem.
It might be the way the poem is written, but to me it has an almost metaphysical quality. You can feel distance in it, a kind of shifting at the level of atoms.
It made me think of how reality itself is mostly empty space, with only small fragments of matter scattered throughout. And yet, from those fragments, we construct entire narratives, meanings, lives, even whole universes. Most of it is absence, and still, something emerges. That’s what I felt here.
I really like how you’re approaching the medium, and I’d encourage you to lean into that. If Substack’s formatting doesn’t serve what you’re trying to do, don’t force it. Use whatever visual tools or editors you’re working with and treat these as visual poems. You clearly have a feel for it.
It would be a waste to confine this to a format that limits you. As I see it, you already have the potential to do something genuinely innovative on a grander scale that could earn you a place of one the greatest experimental poets out there, something that could obviously go beyond Substack as a medium.
Stefan, this is such a generous reading of the poem, thank you. I love the way you described the “distance at the level of atoms”. that’s honestly very close to the feeling I was trying to circle around, even if I didn’t consciously articulate it that way.
I really appreciate the encouragement about the format. I’ve been wondering how far I can push the visual side of it without breaking the platform completely. We shall see.
Yes! It’s really cool that I just stumbled across after publishing my first poem here a few days ago (space themed as well) - serious ‘resonations’ as you said 😆 I experimented with form, too - nowhere near as daring as you - and I found Substack super stressful to work with! Looks like you opted to do it in another program, take a screenshot and put it here? I definitely need to try that next time.
I agree with what Kerr was saying about it sort of tricking you, lulling you into thinking it’s gonna be a passionate celestial love story, but then you start to see the brokenness (or maybe the sort of fated ‘fixedness’?) of the relationship/s on display here. Also loved the little images of the celestial objects moving around each other - the visual aspects help tell the story really powerfully!